see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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