Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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