I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
