ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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