so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
