it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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