i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and she was petting her beer can
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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