okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
