apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
