you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
