How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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