the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
