a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
