he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
