what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
