Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
