i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
