her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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