I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
