so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
