All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
only you would photoshop your dick
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
