I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
