I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
