I think I am morally bankrupt
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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