I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
