I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
