First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
