If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
