He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
