im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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