They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
