Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
