i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
