she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
