Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
