I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
