i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
