she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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