every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
