I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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