omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this will be a night to untag.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
