Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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