I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
