haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
