the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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