just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
