we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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