My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
