If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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