Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
