I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
