dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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