All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it's like iHOP with fire
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
