I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
