I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
4 words: hood of his car
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
