3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
